“I don’t believe in materialism anymore” said a physicist at dinner, “if you think about it, human beings, with all their matter, are smaller than a pinhead.”
about physics, I know nothing. but I imagined to remove the air from between the electrons that crazily revolve around protons and neutrons. I have imagined the enormous distance separating the nucleus from the lunatic orbits. and I got things into perspective. there is nothing left of me. a big. huge. empty room. empty? my dreams. my thoughts. imagination. creativity. intelligence. feelings. emotions. memories... they hover imperceptibly in that nothing. I am the nothing that lies between an electron and the nucleus.
am I the projection of that pinhead in space? or is it that all I consider important about me doesn’t belong to the flesh but to the soul? does it mean that the soul exists? that flesh doesn’t matter? and yet I continue to turn around it... I could ask myself questions for hours. about this and that.
I was fascinated by this new representation of myself. a representation of the whole world around me. a pinhead that looks at the universe around it. where thoughts become living giants. giants that I have always seen. since I was a child. and that made me believe I was crazy. and today. even if I don’t understand yet. serenely I sense. I smell. that non-matter of which I am made. you are made. I can look at myself and look at you and what you aren’t. enjoy our creations in space. I understand the word creation. and I laugh. by myself. creation!
I am so big that I can’t be contained.
like knowledge. culture. feelings. emotions.
I am #mirabilia. cabinet of curiosity. #wunderkammer. endless. unpredictable.
I am all that I like. all that astonishes me. all that I do not like. and grieves me. all that I see. listen. and learn. all that I imagine. all that captures and frees me. all that attracts me and repels me.
and you as well.
Lina Vergara Huilcamán