I want to talk about what this moment means to me. I want to give voice to my greatest fear. I always had this fear, but couldn’t express it. Something prevented me from seeing it clearly.
I take care of the elderly. I take care of about thirty-five people.
I bring them their medicines and spend some time chatting with them. I make sure they are well. Whit this #pandemic I can’t enter their houses anymore. We meet on the doorstep or in front of the gate bars.
On television they repeatedly tell us that we should take care of our elderly people, that we should protect them… but it’s just words. Every day, I visit my elderly people, and every day they tell me they feel lonely. “What about your children?” I asked one of them. He answered that if he died no one would notice. Not a visit. Not even a phone call.
This is how it goes. For many of them. Another elderly man I bring medicines to every day said to me: “If it wasn’t for you, this loneliness would drive me mad”. He’s old and sick, but still lucid. He understands and sees clearly what’s going on.
This is how it goes. For me as well. My son is away and he occasionally calls me, not very often. If I call him, he doesn’t pick up. This causes me pain. Because unexpected people call me and ask me how I am. People who worry about me more than my own children do. And yet it would be up to children to take care of their parents. My children should feel responsible for taking care of me when I am old. But they won’t.
I don’t want to end up alone. With no one calling me to ask me how I feel. No one coming to visit me to find out if I’m still alive. It’s not easy. It cannot be taken for granted.
Today, a lady told me: “Don’t leave me alone”. And I thought about me. What will become of me, when I’m old? Will my children remember me, when I need it?
It hurts. And I have no one to talk to about all this. And it is important to talk about your pain. So I said to myself: “I don’t want this to happen to me. I don’t want fear to prevail”. I closed my eyes. It was dark. And I felt Him. I felt Master Jesus. He was with me. “I don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want to be alone” I said to myself, “and I hereby decide, I decree, that I will always have someone by my side. I won’t die alone.”
Thank you for listening to me.
Chile, June 2020