simple transcription. the fifth one.

my father was sick. and there were so many of us, brothers and sisters. with my mother I committed to go to the eucharist. it was there that he called me. he was waiting for me in that precise moment. I felt strongly attracted to him. the typical attraction of love. of feeling deeply loved. I was fascinated and couldn’t understand. but it got stronger and stronger. so I made up my mind and told it to mum. that I felt like that and I wanted to give myself entirely to the Lord. she said. listen. you are young. look at your father. you have to mature first. I listened to her. I decided not to leave, also because I was a minor. I couldn’t continue my studies. ’coz I liked to paint etc. and so I started working for the company. and became head of a family. I experienced what it means to fall in love. but every time a boy got close to me, it couldn’t last for some reason. it was as if Jesus was telling me. no. you are reserved. you are mine. I used to fall in love. I liked them. but I wasn’t destined to them.
then came moments of aridity. when I wondered. could it be? could it really be? and I followed a path of discernment. praying. including also other people’s experiences. but he was always ready. and this reinforced my vocation. the certainty that it was him who wanted me. but the nice thing is that he called me directly. he didn’t need a mediator.
this is why eucharist means so much to me. on sundays I open the tabernacle and I stay there in adoration. and entrust everybody. eucharist is bread. made of flour etc. that he used before he died to be our food. our sustenance. and it is consecrated at the eucharist. and through the holy communion you feed on him. it’s a great leap of faith. in the consecration you see this piece of bread and you know that he is in there. I have had doubts sometimes. how can you be in there?